Cast Biographies 2

Favorite TV Show/ south park

Cast Biographies 2

Eric Theodore Cartman
Catch Phrase: Respect My Authroitah!
DOB: July 1

He is the fat kid the other kids constantly make fun of. He claims that he's "big boned," but his 90 pounds, (big for an eight-year old) is due to eating too many cheesy poofs, snacky cakes, chocolate-chip cookies, powdered-doughnut pancake surprises, and whatever else his mom decides to cook up for him. He'll take insults in stride, but if you get him the wrong gift, prepare to have your ass whupped. He can fly off the handle. He has had an anal probe up his ass and the Triangle of Zinthar in his right shoe, and a rude shock when he finds out who his father actually is. Since then, he has been a deputy. As such, he used his authority whenever he could, even to the point of subduing Kenny's family when he answered a domestic disturbance call. Has dressed up as a slut for undercover work, and as an old lady as part of a plot to ruin Jimbo and Ned's show. For the summer, he took swimming lessons, but just couldn't get used to swimming in urine-stained pool water (who would?). He plays the French horn. Has once again suffered for being fat: the boys teased him about having an ass big enough to project movies on. He entered a contract with a director to make a movie about Mr. Hankey, but was angry when he saw Tom Hanks cast in the movie, and really angry when he only got $3 out of the $2 million the film had made. He decided to sell T-shirts promoting the film, and made more money that way. Gets chicken pox from Kenny, and didn't waste any time making use of calomine lotion - lots of it! When he sees a commercial for Cheesy Poofs tryouts he goes for it, even if he has to stay away from the classroom and the planetarium. He had an itchy nose the whole time. He and Kenny built a clubhouse to rival Stan and Kyle's. What's more, he bought a kit to build it from: The Ewok Village 2000 Deluxe Club House Kit w/Elevator. The resulting clubhouse looked just awful. He becomes the foreman and makes Kenny the worker, then he becomes the worker and sends Kenny out to find chicks. He holds conversations with two teenage runaway girls unitl two guys arrive and his mom calls him down for the night. During Cow Days, Cartman and the boys tried to win Terrance and Phillip dolls, but they lost all their money. Cartman was forced to ride a bull for the $5000 grand prize, but while practicing a practrice bull kicked him off and he passed out. When he came to, he acted like a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Li. As Ming Li, he rode the bull and won the prize. He dressed as a German boy to cheer Chef up and as part of Chef Aid. He and the other boys raised $95 towards the $2 million Chef needed to pay a record company or Johnny Cochran. Cartman's evil parallel was actually a good Cartman, and the others had a much better time with him than with the Cartman they know. Still, parallel Cartman at first shocked the boys by his good manners and concern for people less fortunate than himself. Eventually, the two Cartmans face off and Stan has to determine which one to send back to the parallel universe. He goes to his grandma's house and takes his friends with him. Before they leave, he tries to get Kenny out of the front seat by various means, until he throws out a dollar bill, which Kenny goes after. We learn that he gets his trademark statements from most of his family and that his hair is a ligh brown. He's not very happy at the kind of role model Uncle Howard turned out to be. When he and the boys spend time at Tweek's house to prepare an oral report, he throws up from all the coffee he drank to stay awake. He helped Stan rescue Kyle, but was chosen best friend by each of them when they fight over the ice man's name. He likes an certain Aussie hunter, and imitates him when he can. He is not pleased that he has to go on a Save the Rain Forest tour. He's dismayed that the Costa Ricans are so poor, so he screams at them to get jobs. He says that San José smells like ass, beats on monkeys and sloths, and goes his own way through the rainforest. He finds some American loggers, who help him find his friends and the choir they're with. As Easter approaches he lobbies to be Jesus in the reenactment of the Stations of the Cross, so he is crucified and taken up to a hill to hang on the cross for three days. In it for Kyle is an urection that he can give to his father. But four weeks later, the boys remember that he is still on the cross, and he is now as thin as Starvin' Marvin. On another occasion, his sight is failing him, so he sees an optometrist for help. He gets some blocky glasses stapled to his head, then gets laser-corrective surgery, at Chef's suggestion, that makes his sight worse. During his recovery, the boys study up at his place on ways to get rid of Veronica, keeping him up all night. During Chef's wedding, Cartman can't help but sleep, and Kyle has to wake him up a couple of times so he'll be ready to press the play button at the right time. After Kenny dies, he takes Kenny's head to his optometrist for some eye transplants. When he and the other boys go to shop class for a week, Mr. Adler asks them who is the worst troublemaker in class. He offers Craig while Stan offers Tweek. A fight is set up to see who is the toughest kid in school, but neither Craig and Tweek knows how to fight, so Cartman takes Craig and trains him with a martial-arts instructor. Cartman dresses as a sumo to be Craig's opponent. He then brings Craig to the next fight, and Craig and Tweek tumble into shop class, where the fight is called due to Kenny's death. Craig and Tweek, and some of the class visits them to talk… and to begin another fight. When jakovasaurs appear in town, he takes a liking to them instantly and even holds their offspring in his arms. When the town makes up its mind to get rid of the jakovasaurs, the boys distract Cartman by taking him to classify a new species of antelope. Cartman realizes this and rushes back to town, only to see the jakovasaurs on a jet plane on its way out of town. When a rash of sexual harassment lawsuits hits town, he accuses Stan of sexually harassing him, then sues him. He wins half of Stan's stuff, including an asthma inhaler. Pip then sues Cartman for sexual harassment and Cartmanloses half his stuff to Pip. He's not happy about it, so he, Stan, and Kyle search for and find the Sexual Harassment Panda and convince him to help stop the sexual harassment lawsuits. During the meteor shower, he is babsat by Shelley, Stan's older sister. They engage in a battle of wills until Skyler, Shelley's boyfriend, comes over and eventually dumps her for not putting out. Then, Cartman offers to help her get even with Skyler. He sets up some fake recordings to lure Skyler away so that Shelley can destroy Skyler's guitar. They finish and run back to Cartman's house only to find it a big mess due to some cats. Skyler reaches them and threatnes them, so Cartman threw some catnip on him and the cats mauled him. Cartman's mom returns home from the meteor shower party before he and Shelley have a chance to clean up, and passes out. Now they can take their time and reflect on their new friendship. When the Chinpokomon craze hits South Park, Cartman wants to be the first to buy the toys, but finds that Stan and Kenny already knew. He keeps up with the craze by buying the toys and video game, then goes to Chinpokomon camp. There, he learn Japanese. He marches through the town with the other kids. He's about to go to Pearl Harbor to bomb it for the Japanese when the adults show up with their own toys. This snaps him out of the craze. Cartman has since made a teenager eat his parents and sung "Heat of the Moment" to Congress, tried to clone fetus cells to build a replica Shakey's next to an existing one and become a junior detective on his own and had the other boys work for him.

Kenny McCormick
Catch Phrase: Mmmff mmf mmmffff!
DOB: March 22
DOD: almost weekly, but ceased after "Kenny Dies

"He is the unlucky one. He dies in every episode in some gruesome way. If your hearing is fine-tuned, you may be able to make out what he says. He did survive Christmas last year, and has finally died for a purpose when he became the connector between two nodes in Hell's Pass Hospital's backup generator. He has been: run over by cows and a police car, shot by Mr. Garrison, shot bu Ned's gun, pulled apart by Middle Park Cowboys, nuked by the Marshes' microwave oven, touched by Death, crushed by Mir and later sawed in half by Kyle, shot by Jimbo, jumped by turkeys, run through by a scimitar, hung by a tetherball, obliterated by a train, electrocuted by a hospital's backup generator, crushed by a tree, crushed by a tombstone, smashed by a dodgeball, pulled apart by Jesus and Pals audience members, eaten by a black scary monster (in Stan's dream of Cartman's dream), crushed by bleachers, run over by an exiting crowd of moviegoers, shocked by a vital-stats monitor, neural-neutralized to bits, crushed by a mosh pit attack, gored by a bull, bit in half by Ozzy Osbourne, chewed up by Stan's spooky fish, shot to bits by an army of Nebraska police officers, crushed by a falling mine car, crushed by a moving sidewalk going under a landing, struck by lightning (but Kelly resuscitates him), killed by spontaneous combustion, crushed by a succubus, slung onto a box of nails by a band saw, killed by a brown bear, chopped to bits by a giant fan, killed by a conch shell, eaten from the inside by rats, attacked by tiny speeders, beaten to death by the Fonics monkey… All his deaths can be found in my website link kenny EXTRAS , as well as stuff he says in each episode. He is resurrected for every episode.

He plays the violin. He and Shelley were the first to get sick from chicken pox, and the one to infect his friends with it, at their parents' urging. He and Cartman built a clubhouse to rival Stan and Kyle's. He is made to work, pull carpeting from Cartman's living room, wait for a hot tub, and look for girls to play Truth or Dare with. During Cow Days he was sent to find Cartman when Cartman was nowhere to be found, and asked to help Cartman in the bullriding ring. He provides the squash the boys used to win the grand prize at the pumpkin-carving contest. He and the other boys raised $95 towards the $2 million Chef needed to pay a record company or Johnny Cochran. Charlie spent some time with him trying to explain himself. When he is drafted to join the Getting Gay With Kids choir on a tour of Costa Rica to save the rainforest, he meets and falls in love with Kelly, a blonde with a ponytail. He gets to meet Costa Rica's people's army, the Yanogapa, and some American loggers. He and Kelly spend the tour getting to know each other, and he comes to her aid several times. He shields her from bullets headed their eay. He planned to visit her on the day he spontaneously combusted. He received a nice funeral service, including a coffin for his charred remains. He comes up with a way for the boys to sing "A Morning After" backwards in order to rescue Chef from Veronica, the succubus. When the boys go to shop class for the week, he goes to home ec with the girls. He helps Cartman train Craig somehow, but he spends most of the week in home ec. He is later transferred because he doesn't make a convincing girl, but he protests the move. It didn't help. He is the distraction Cartman was to classify as a new species, and goes to find the Sexual Harassment Panda with the other boys. During Jewbilee he is banished from Jew Scouts for being unkosher. He sees what Haman has done and goes to get some help, but fails. A big brown bear carries him away to her cave, where he finds all the Squirts. He marshals them back to camp so they can free the Scouts and the elders while he tries to stop Haman. The bear gives him the Conch of Blind Faith, and Kenny breaks it with his head. When the Chinpokomon craze hits South Park, Kenny keeps up with it by buying the toys and video game. The game gives him a seizure, which makes him catatonic until the rats spilled out of him. Still, he goes to Chinpokomon camp with the other boys. There, he learn Japanese. He marches through the town with the other kids. He's about to go to Pearl Harbor to bomb it for the Japanese when the adults show up with their own toys. This snaps him out of the craze.

Much has happened to Kenny since the last sentence above, but he finally dies of a terminal muscular disease while Cartman tried to get stem cell research approved so Kenny might get some stem cells to help him recover from this disease. When Cartman came back with the good news, he finds Kenny gone. And that's the last of Kenny for the show, unless Trey and Matt bring him back somehow. The town square is now called the Kenny McCormick Memorial Town Square, which is a pretty major indication that Kenny is dead for good and the town knows it.

Since the paragraph above, Kenny returned after Cartman drank his ashes - he began to act and talk through Cartman. He made a brief appearnace for Christmas after being exorcised from Cartman. He's back as a regular now, but he doesn't die. Butters and Tweek are more integrated with the group now, so Kenny doesn't have much to say.