Kyle Broflovski
Episode 110: Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo - A Lonely Jew On ChristmasIt's hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My friends
won't let me join in any games
And I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a Christmas tree
or leave water out for
Rudolph 'cause there's something wrong with me
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity
I'm a Jew
A lonely
Jew
On Christmas
Chanukkah is nice, but why is it
That Santa passes over my house every year?
And instead
of eating ham I have to eat kosher latke
Instead of Silent Night I'm singing huhash do gavish
And what the fuck is up
with lighting all these fucking candles, tell me please?
I'm a Jew
A lonely Jew
I'd be merry
But I'm Hebrew
On
Christ-maas
Episode 110: Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo - Dreidel, Dreidel, DreidelDreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of
clay
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, with dreidel I will play
Second verse, same as the first
Dreidel, dreidel,
dreidelll-I…
Episode 209: Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls - I Can See Clearly NowI can see clearly now, the rain is gone.
I can
see obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind-
Episode 313: Hooked On Monkey Fonics - RebeccaEverywhre I go, I'm thinking of you, Rebecca.
I don't know what
to do, Rebecca.
You're so nice, I'd like to get to know you better.
So what do you say we get together?
You really
are quite good-looking, Rebecca!
You really are quite good-looking, Rebecca!
Rebecca, you're really quite good-looking!
You're
a fox.
Episode 416: The Wacky Molestation Adventure - My Wish For CubaIf I had one wish it'd be for Cuba to change.
Because
I think that all the Cubans are in pain
All the joy in the world, from sea to shining sea
Doesn't mean a thing if Cubans
aren't free
I just can't be very happy, that's certain
Not as long as your Cubans are hurtin'
Oh, won't you search
your soul and find a way to change your mind?
That is my one and only wish. |
Leopold "Butters" Stotch
Episode 407: Cherokee Hair Tampons - Get Well, KyleWe're so sorry you're not feeling well.
We hope you're better
soon.
So we're bringing you some sunshine
By, um, singing you this tune:
Everybody misses you
And though we hate
to cause a fuss
We'd like to say, "Get well soon!"
And "Please don't die on us."
Episode 409: Something You Can Do With Your Finger - Little Bunny Foo-FooLittle Bunny Foo-Foo hoppin' through the
forest
Scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' 'em on the head
Down came a white angel and she said
"Little
Bunny Foo-Foo, I don't wanna see you
Scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' 'em on the head."
So now I'm gonna turn
you into a worm, mbuh, mBunny Foo-Foo. Eh, beh-POOF
Little Wormy Foo-Foo crawlin' through the forest
Gettin scooped
up by the field mice who mah-m then they bopped 'im on the head
Episode 514: Butters' Very Own Episode - Bennigan's Happy Anniversary SongHappy Happy Anniversary
from everyone at Bennigan's
Episode 514: Butters' Very Own Episode - Bennigan's JingleFor family fun and great food, too, come on down to...
Bennigan's
Buffalo wings and partridge scones, plus cru found at... Bennigan's
So come and eat at... Bennigan's.
You'll
love all our... shenanigans...
Episode 711: Casa Bonita - If You Leave Me Now (by Chicago)But if you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest
part of me.
Oo-oo-ooooo-oo girl, baby please don't go. Eh,
Oo-oo-ooooo-oo girl-
You take away the biggest part of me.
Woo-oo-ooooo-oo-oo, uh baby please don't go.
Woo-oo-ooooo-oo-oo, I just had to find my say to you tan...
Episode 802: AWESOM-O - I Like To Brush My TeethI like to brush my teeth in the morning and at night.
The teeth
won't mind ..
Episode 802: AWESOM-O - My Robot Friend(Butters gets to know AWESOM-O)
Hey there have you heard about my
robot friend?
He's metal and small and doesn't judge me at all.
He's a cyberwired bundle of joy.
My robot friend.
I like to dip and daddle with my robot friend.
He's smart as can be and emotion-free
And he's computin' his way to
my heart.
My robot friend.
My robot friend.
My robot friend.
My robot ...friend.
(Butters and AWESOM-O in Los Angeles)
I'm hangin' out in LA with my robot friend
We're havin' such fun in
the hot hot sun
We're two of a kind- That's me!
And my robot friend.
My robot friend.
My robot ...friend.
(Butters loses AWESOM-O, slow)
Hey there, did you know I had a robot friend?
We used to laugh and play, but
someone took him away.
He was my ten gigahertz old pal.
My robot friend.
Episode 805: You Gof F'd In The A - I've Got Some ApplesLoo loo loo, I've got some apples.
Loo loo loo, you've
got some too.
Loo loo loo, I've- |
The Boys
Episode 101: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - School day, School day
School day, school day, teacher's golden ru…
Episode 101: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - We Got Out of School
We got out of schoo-ol, no more school today, We got
out of schoo-ol, no more school today…
Episode 701: A Little Bit Country - We Got Out of School
We got out of schoo-ol, no more school today, We got out
of schoo-ol, no more school today…
Cartman, Officer Barbrady
Episode 101: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - I Love To Singa
I love to singa!
About the moona and June-a and the springa
I
love to singa
about a sky of blue-a or a tea for two-a . . .
Kathie Lee Epstein
Episode 102: Weight Gain 4000 - If They Could See Me Now
If they could see me now, that little gang of mine.
I'm
eating fancy chow and drinking fancy wine.
I'd like those stumble bums to see for a fact
The kind of top-drawer first-rate
chums I attract
[Mexican puppet] All I can say is, "Wow-wee, look-a where I am."
[Tourist puppet] Tonight
I landed, Pow!, right in a pot of jam.
What a setup! Holy Cow!
They'd never believe it, if my friends could see me now!
The Big Gay Boat Ride Singers
Episode 104: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride - It's Okay To Be Gay
We're all gay, and it's okay
'cause gay means
happy and happy means gay.
We're not sad anymore, cause we're out the closet door.
It's okay, hey, to be gay!
It's okay to be gay
It's okay to be gay
Shalala, waylaylay
Shalala, waylaylay
It's okay to be gay
Richard Stamos
Episode 104: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride - Loving You
Loving you
is easy cause you're beautiful
- doo-n-doo--doo-doooo--
Ahhhh
[his voice cracks and the music stops] Ahhhh
Mephesto, Chef
Episode 105: An Elephant Makes Love To A Pig - Pig And Elephant DNA Just Won't Splice
Diindoon - pig and elephant
DNA just won't splice!
The Marshes
Episode 106: Death - Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear grandpa,
happy birthday to you.
Mrs. Cartman
Episode 107: Pinkeye - Decorating for Halloween
Oooh, I'm gonna decorate the house for Halloween,
with scary ghosts
and bats and creepy crawly things…
Episode 107: Pinkeye - The Most Wonderful Time Of the Year
It's the most wonderful time of the year….
Choir
Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo - We Wish You a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry
Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year!
Mr. Hankey
Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo - Santa Claus Is On His Way
(Howdy Ho)
Santa Claus is on his way
He's loaded goodies
on his sleigh
To drop them off on Christmas Day
And I'll say 'Howdy-ho'
Folks'll gather round the fire
sing a song, stroll the choir
Pretty song they'll all retire
And I'll say 'Howdy-ho'
I hope that Santa comes real soon
I've been waiting for some we…
Santa's loaded up his sleigh
flying around his merry way…
The Town
Episode 110: Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo - Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
he loves
me and I love you
Therefore, vicariously he loves you
Even if you're a Jew
Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's
corny, he can be brown or greenish-brown
But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve, he might come to your town
Mr. Hankey,
the Christmas Poo
He loves me. I love you
Heeeeeeee Looooooves Yoooooouu!
Episode 809. Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes
Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya. Kumbaya, my
Lord...
A Japanese Singer
Episode 112: Mecha Streisand - Barbura
Sung
Barbura, Barbura, kirai no hito.
Barbura, Barbura, anata no hi.
Barbura,
Barbura. Ugoina chichi da.
Barbura, Barbura!
Ultura Lenardu Marutin!
Megara Poatia, Megara Poatia. sokuroi da ne.
Megara Poatia, Megara Poatia.
Raabaa Tsumiito, Raabaa Tsumiito. tashiwa ga suki Raabaa Tsumito.
Raabaa Tsumiito, Raabaa Tsumiito! |
English Translation
Barbra, Barbra, you are so hateful.
Barbra, Barbra,
today is your day.
Barbra, Barbra, those tits are wonderful.
Barbra, Barbra!
Ultra Leonard Maltin!
Megara Poitier, Megara Poitier, look, how black you are.
Megara Poitier, Megara Poitier.
Robert Smith, Robert Smith, I like you a lot, Robert Smith.
Robert Smith, Robert Smith! |
Officer Barbrady
Episode 203: Chickenfucker - Swingset
Swingset, Swingset, up and down I go
'Whoosh!' goes the willy-wind, flowing
through my toes.
Episode 215: Spooky Fish - Jimmy Crack Corn
-crack corn and I don't care
Jimmy crack corn and I don't care
My
master's gone away
[long pause]
Jimmy crack corn and I don't care
Mr. Mackey
Episode 204: Ike's Wee Wee - Love is a Battlefield
We are young, mkay?
Heartache to heartache we stand, 'kay?
No
promises, no demands, hand-han-han-han…
A Singer
Episode 205: Conjoined Fetus Lady - You're My Conjoined Twin
You've got the strength, you've got the courage
Even
with a dead fetus on your head
Carry on! Fight for tomorrow!
Dead fetus or no, you never let go!
You're my conjoined-twin, dead-thing-hanging-off-your-head woman
Jimbo
Episode 206: The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka - Huntin' and Killin' Closing Song
We're so glad you spent
your time with us
While we slaughtered our way through nature's guts
Come again and stay a while
We'll kill a lot
more living things to make them bleed
The Disciples' Lead Singer
Episode 206: The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka - Nothin' from Nothin'
Nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin'
You've
gotta have somethin'…
South Park Parents
Episode 207: City On The Edge Of Forever - Runaway, Ccome Home
Little lamb, you're lost in the great big world
Runaway,
findin' streets so cold
You left home lookin' for somethin' new.
But all you need is right here waitin' for you
Runaway, come home. We love you just as you are.
Runaway, come home. We're sorry things went this far.
Shari Lewis and Lambchop
Episode 208: Summer Sucks - Together, We Can Do Anything
As long as we're together, we can do anything.
We can
take on the whole darned world.
We're happy as clams, we've got plenty of pearls.
Through thick and thin, we've always
been together…
Elton John
Episode 214: Chef Aid - Cheddar Cheese Girl
Oh oh, you're my cheddar cheese girl
You're soft but firm, and you
go well with wine
Oh oh, cheddar cheese girl
Cheddar, cheddar cheese girl
Episode 214: Chef Aid - Wake Up, Wendy
Wake up, Wendy. Smell the coffee
You know I do want you
Your flavors
smell of peanuts peanuts peanuts…
Rancid
Episode 214: Chef Aid - Tonight
California sun has sunk
But Amana mailed, she'll come tonight
I wish I were
junk-
Joe Strummer
Episode 214: Chef Aid - Rocking World
Well it's a rockin' world, make no mistake about it
It's a shockin' world,
could be what's so great about it
It's a rockin' world, there ain't nothing fake abou-
Ozzy Osbourne
Episode 214: Chef Aid - Nowhere To Run, Nowhere To Hide
Ain't nowhere to run (come everybody let's)
Ain't nowhere
to hide (come on!)
Ween
Episode 214: Chef Aid - The Homo Rainbow
Many colors in my homo rainbow.
Don't be afraid to let your colors shine.
Many colors in my homo rainbow.
Don't we all just-?
The Cartman Clan And The Boys
Episode 216: Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson - Hark, The Herald Angels Sing
"Hark," the herald angels sing,
"Glory
to the newborn King.
Peace on earth, and mercy mild.
God and sinners reconciled."
[Manson jons them]Joyful
all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
"Hark," the herald angels sing…
The Underpants Gnomes
Episode 217: Gnomes - Search For Underpanties
Time to go to work, work all night
search for underpants hey!
We
wont stop until we have underpants
Yum tum yummy tum day!
The Getting Gay With Kids Choir
Episode 301: Rainforest Schmainforest - Getting Gay With Kids Is Here!
(before)
|
| [Intro]
|
| Men:
| Tootin' tootin' to, tada choo choo wow!
|
|
| [Verse]
|
| Men:
| There's a place that is magical, and full of rain.
|
| Women:
| But now it needs help, because it is in pain.
|
| Men:
| Cleaning the earth is a mighty big chore
|
| All:
| We're spreading awareness like never before!
|
|
| [Chorus]
|
| All::
| Getting Gay With Kids is here!
To spread the word and bring you cheer
Let's save the rainforest! What do you say?!
Being
an activist is totally gay!
|
|
| [Bridge]
|
| Man:
| Someday if we work hard, boys and girls,
|
| Woman:
| There'll be nothing but rainforests covering the entire world!
|
| Man:
| [joins her] World!
|
|
| [Chorus]
|
| All::
| Getting Gay With Kids is here!
To spread the word and bring you cheer. Yeah!
[Move to E flat] Getting Gay With Kids
is here!
Let's save the rainforest! It's totally gay!
It's totally gay! |
(after)
|
| [Intro]
|
| Men:
| Tootin' tootin' to, tada choo choo wow!
|
|
| [Verse]
|
| Men:
| There's a place called the rainforest; it truly sucks ass.
|
| Women:
| Let's knock it all down and get rid of it fast.
|
| Men:
| You say, "Save the rainforest," but what do you know?
|
| All:
| You've never been to the rainforest before.
|
|
| [Chorus]
|
| All:
| Getting Gay With Kids is here!
To tell you things you might not like to hear.
You only fight these causes 'cause
caring sells.
All you activists can go fuck yourselves!
|
|
| [Bridge]
|
| Man:
| Someday if we work hard, boys and girls,
|
| Woman:
| There'll be no more rainforests left in the entire world!
|
| Man:
| [joins her] World!
|
|
| [Chorus]
|
| All::
| Getting Gay With Kids is here!
To spread the word and bring you cheer. Yeah!
[Move to E flat]
Getting
Gay With Kids is here!
Let's knock down the rainforest! What do you say?!
It's totally gay! It's totally gay! |
The Boys
Episode 303: Chef's Mama - After Morning The
"The Morning After" sung backwards
.light the for looking
on keep Let's
.sunshine the find to chance a have We
.night the to on hold can we If
.after morning a be to got There's
.warm and safe that's…
Petey, the Sexual Harassment Panda
Episode 306: Sexual Harassment Panda - Sexual Harassment Panda
Who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree?
Sexual
Harassment Panda.
Who explains sexual harassment to you and me?
Sexual Harassment Panda.
"Don't say that! Don't touch
there!
Don't be nasty!" says the silly bear.
He's come to tell you what's right and wrong.
Sexual Harassment Panda.
Singers in Commercial
Episode 306: Sexual Harassment Panda - Sue Their Asses
Kids picking on you? Well, don't be sad.
Just sue their
asses with Kyle's dad!
Skyler
Episode 307: Cat Orgy - Shelley
When I saw her walking down the street, I thought she was Shelley, Shelley.
Now
that we're together I'm absolutely sure that she's Shelley, Shelley.
Move into my mom's house with me, Shelley Shelley.
I
pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States ofShelley Shelley!
Shelley
Episode 307: Cat Orgy - TURDS!
| Shelley:
| So much pain in the world today.
Too many turds are headin' my way.
But we can press our turds together.
Passing
by turds whenever.
|
| Skyler:
| Don't you know? Isn't…
|
| Shelley:
| Life so full of happiness?
Feel free to mark my words.
But me and you, will my love do
in a world that's full
of turds? TURDS!
llama judgin finger-lovin' turds. TURDS! |
Pip
Episode 308: Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub - The Merry Tune of Stratford
Whippy-tippy tootoo, tralala-la.
Whippy-tippy
tootoo, tralala-la.
Whippy-tippy tootoo, tralala-la.
Wickersham tally-ho, (paf).
Squirt leader
Episode 309: Jewbilee - We Are Squirts
We are Squirts, we are Squirts. We're so kosher that it hurts.
When we get
older we'll be Scouts, but until then we are Squirts.
Episode 309: Jewbilee - We Are Jew Squirts
We are Jew Squirts, we know Jewish
Stick stick smiley smiley Stick stick
smiley smiley
dur dur dur dur dur-
Commercial Singer
Episode 310: Chinpokomon - Chinpokomon
I've got to buy Chinpokomon
I've got to buy it, I've got to buy it…
Episode 310: Chinpokomon - Chinpokomon Camp
Chinpokomon Camp!
I've got to buy a ticket!
I've got to buy one!
A ticket!
I've got to buy buy buy!
Chinpoko Mon!
Episode 310: Chinpokomon - Wild Wacky Action Bike
Wild Wacky Action Bike! The bike that's hard to ride!
Goin' to
try to ride all day long, but I'm goin' to fail
'Cause it's Wild Wacky Action Bike!
You get about in, you get about
in Wild Wacky Action Bike!
Episode 310: Chinpokomon - Alabama Man
Alabama Man! He's quick, he's strong, he's happ'nin'
He can bowl, he can
drink, he can drink a bowl. Alaba-ma Man.
He beat the wife and picks chicks up. Alabama Man!
Ronnie James Dio
Episode 313: Hooked On Monkey Fonics - Holy Diver
Holy Diver, you've been down too long in the midnight sea.
Oh,
what's becoming of me?
Ride the tiger. You can see his stripes but you know he's clean.
Oh, don't you see what I mean?
Gotta
get away, Holy Diver.
Fr. Maxi and the People of South Park
Episode 316: Are You There, God? It's Me, Jesus - For He Is Lord
For he is Savior
For he is Lord
He gives me
hope when
I have only been bored
And he lifts me up with
His gentle arm…
Mr. Garrison
Episode 317: Worldwide Recorder Concert - Put On A Happy Face
Gray skies are gonna clear up,
Put on a happy face.
Episode 502: It Hits The Fan - Shitty Shitty Fag Fag
(repeat as often as desired)
Hey, there, shitty shitty fag
fag,
Shitty shitty fag fag, how do you do?
Episode 511: The Entity - We're in the money, Mr. Hat
We're in the money, Mr. Hat.
We're in the money, Mr. Hat.
Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld
Episode 404: Timmy 2000 - Lords of the Underworld
[as Timmy says "Timmuh" to no end…]Lords of the
Underworld.
Darkness fills my heart with pain.
Phil Collins (ahem)
Episode 404: Timmy 2000 - Bubudio
Last night I went, "O!"
Bubudio.
Last night I went "Bubudio"
Last night
I went "Bubudio"
Last night I went, "O!"
Bububudio
Episode 404: Timmy 2000 - You'll Be In… Me!
You're inside of me.
Deep inside of me.
So deep inside, I
can feel you pushing against my heart.
You'll be inside of me…
Fingerbang
Episode 409: Something You Can Do With Your Finger - Fingerbang
| Fingerbang:
| Fingerbang!
Bang-bang!
Fingerbang-bang!
Bangbangbang!
I'm gonna fingerbang-bang you into my life
Girl,
you like to fingerbang, and it's alright.
'Cause I'm the king of fingerbang; let's not fight
I'm goin' tuh fingerbang-bang
you ever-y night
|
| Cartman Solo:
| And girl, you know that you're the only girl for me, girl.
Girl, you're the girl of my fantasies.
You're
my girl, you're my girl,
My- …girrrrrrrl…
|
| Fingerbang:
| Fingerbang!
Bang. Bang bang bang.
Fingerbang-bang!
Bangbangbang!
I'm gonna fingerbang-bang you into
my life
Girl, you like to fingerbang, and it's alright. |
Ghetto Avenue Boys
Episode 409: Something You Can Do With Your Finger - You've… Got… It!
| Ghetto Avenue Boys:
| You've… got… it!
You know you've got… it. [Randy: Girl]
What you've got is it!
|
| Randy:
| It's obvious to me.
|
| Ghetto Avenue Boys:
| Shirl! You've… got… it!
It… is what you've got, girl!
What you've got is it!
|
| Randy:
| Now, give it to me, 'cause- |
Wendy
Episode 409: Something You Can Do With Your Finger - Mrs. Landers Is A Health Nut
Miiis-suuus Landers was a health
nut. She cooked food in a wok.
Mr. Harris was her boyfriend, and he had a great big-
Cock-a-doodle-doodle, the rooster
just won't quit
And I don't want my breakfast, because it tastes like-
Shih tzus make good house pets. They're cuddly
and sweet.
Monkeys aren't good to have, because they like to beat their-
Meeting in the office or meeting in the hall,
The
boss, he wants to see you so you can suck his
Balzac was a writer, he lived with Allen Funt
Mrs. Roberts didn't like
him, but that's 'cause she's a-
Contaminated water can really make you sick.
Your bladder gets infected, and blood comes
out your-
Dictate what I'm saying, 'cause it will bring you luck
And if you all don't like it, I don't give a flying
fuck!
Ike
Episode 409: Something You Can Do With Your Finger - Itsy Bitsy Spider
Itsy bitsy spider, out the water spout-
Episode 409: Something You Can Do With Your Finger - The Alphabet Song
E F G, H I J K L-M-N-O-P
Episode 409: Something You Can Do With Your Finger - Danny Boy
Oh Danny Boy, the parson's calling
Clang, clang
and clang
Episode 409: Something You Can Do With Your Finger - ???
When ah thanky you be
One on a teacher on a palm tree
Episode 907: Erection Day - Yankee Doodle Boy
I have a Yankee Doodle sweetheart,
She's my Yankee Doodle girl.
'Ankee
Doodle came to London,
Just to ride the ponies,
I am da Yankee Doodle
I am da Yankee Doodle
I am da Yankee Doodle
boy.
Congregation
Episode 410: Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? - Walk Hand-In-Hand With Jesus
I walk hand-in-hand with Jesus
Over
at the park by where he lives
I tell him all my problems
And sometimes he tells me his
What a friend I have in Jesus
I can say that honestly
He's not like all my other friends
Who really don't care
about me.
Amen.
Satan
Episode 410: Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? - Hukilau
| Singers:
| Are we going to the Hukilau?
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau? [Satan joins them]
Are we going to the Hukilau?
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?
Everybody loves a hukilau
Where the laulau is the
kaukau at the luau.
We throw our nets out into the sea
And all the ama-ama come swimmin' to me
Are we going to the
Hukilau?
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?
|
| Hula Dancers:
| Are we going to the Hukilau?
|
| Three Tortured Souls:
| The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?
|
| Hula Dancers:
| Everybody loves a Hukilau,
|
| Males:
| Where the laulau is the kaukau at the luau
|
| All:
| We throw our nets out into the sea.
And all the ama-ama come a-swimming to me
Are we going to the hukilau?
The
Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?
Huki……… Luki……… Lau?………
|
| Satan:
| Yeah! |
Kids
Episode 414: Thanksgiving - 1800s Alabama
1800's, Alabama! What a great place and time!
We're so happy that we
live in 1800's Alabama 'cause it's sunny and there is no crime!
And in this little town in 1800's Alabama there's a family
by the name of Keller!
Their daughter's deaf and mute and blind as a bat, and her parents can't even tell her!!
Episode 414: Thanksgiving - Water, Helen, Water
| Bebe:
| Water, Helen, Water.
|
| Kids:
| She's never gonna do it. There's no way she'll ever do it.
|
| Bebe:
| Helen, Helen. Water, Helen.
|
| Kids:
| How can she talk if she can't hear? This is absolutely pointless |
Episode 414: Thanksgiving - Water, Helen, Water (Reprise)
| Kids:
| She did it! She did it! Water! Water water aaaaaaaa!
Water, Helen, Water.
We can't believe she did
it.The dumb kid really did it.
Water, Helen, Water.
|
| Jeffrey:
| Now that I can communicate the world is not so cold and dark.
|
| Kids:
|
[slowing]
Water, Helen, Aaa-aaaaaa! |
Episode 414: Thanksgiving - Blind As A Bat
Helen Keller, Helen Keller, blind as a bat.
She can't hear us speak.
What's up with that?
Episode 414: Thanksgiving - Helen!
| Wendy:
| John, come quick! Our little baby's very sick
[Stan rushes in]
When I pout she doesn't flinch, and when she doesn't move an inch.
|
| Stan:
| No, that cannot be. Honey you are scaring me.
|
| Wendy:
| She can't see hear, John. Watch. Helen!
|
| Stan:
| Helen!
|
| Wendy:
| …Helen! [the audience stares in disbelief]
I think our baby's deaf and blind. Oh no!
|
| Stan:
| Oh no! [they lean on each other]
|
| Wendy:
| Oh no! Oh no!!! |
The Kindergartners
Episode 414: Thanksgiving - Thanksgiving Dinner
It's getting dinner. Let's all eat.
E I E I O.
And on that dinner we'll invite some Indians
E I E I O.
With
an Indian here and an Indian there
Everywhere an Indian, Indian. Uh thank, thank-
Mr. Hankey and Cornwallis
Episode 417: A Very Crappy Christmas - The Circle of Poo
| Mr. Hankey
| Everything that lives on earth poos in some way
And that's how the cycle happens, each and every day
Just look at
the green green grass and the birds up in the sky
It's all here because of poo, and now I'll tell you why
'Cause it's
eaten by cattle, which is eaten by women and men
It fuses with their bodies and becomes poo again
And that poo goes
through the sewer, where it's dumped into the sea.
And it's eaten by the plankton, and becomes the fishes' meal.
And then that bigger fish with the poo still inside
Swims up near the shore and gets eaten alive
By the grizzly bear
that poos on a dead piece of sand
So it can spring to life and become food for the land
It's the poo of the antelope,
the poo of the giraffe
It falls onto the earth and becomes the blades of grass
The grass is eaten by the cattle, which
comes out the other end
To make food for the humans and start all over again
You see, son? You're not an insignificant part of life. You are life.
|
| Cornwallis:
| But how can I be that giraffe and blade of grass, and a human? I don't control what they do.
|
| Mr. Hankey:
| Just like your heart beats without you thinking about it, so, too, your giraffes and your humans do what they do without
you even thinkin' about it. But it is all one life form. It is all… you.
|
| Cornwallis:
| I think I see now.
I'm the poo of the antelope, that flows down to the ground
|
| Mr. Hankey:
| Becomes the grass of tomorrow
|
| Cornwallis:
| Yeah
|
| Mr. Hankey:
| Which the grazers turn around
|
| Cornwallis:
| So I'm the leg of a leopard and the wings of a hen
|
| Mr. Hankey, Cornwallis:
| Which becomes dinner for the human and turns back to poo again.
That's the Circle, the Circle of Poo! |
Stan, Kyle, Kenny, the Hankey Family
Episode 417: A Very Crappy Christmas - Even A Miracle Needs A Hand
a faster version of the song in the animated
TV film, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas
| Kyle:
| Miracles happen most every day.
To people like you, and me.
But don't expect a miracle.
Unless
you help make it to be.
You hope, and I'll hurry.
You pray, and I'll plan
We'll do what's necessary, 'cause
Even a miracle needs a hand!
|
|
|
|
| Kyle:
| You love…… And I'll labor.
|
| Stan:
| …… We love…… Tralala
|
|
|
|
| Kyle:
| You sit…… And I'll stand.
|
| Stan:
| …… We sit……Tralalalala
|
|
|
|
| Stan, Kyle:
| [with Kenny humming] Get help from our next-door neighbor, 'cause
|
| Boys, Hankeys:
| Even a miracle needs a hand!
|
|
| [Interlude]
|
| Kyle:
| You wish…… -And I'll whittle.
|
| Stan:
| …… We wish…… Tralalalala
|
|
|
|
| Kyle:
| You sit…… And I'll stand.
|
| Stan:
| ……We sit…… Tralalalala
|
|
|
|
| Kyle:
| [with Kenny humming] Let's all try to help a little, 'cause
|
| Boys:
| Even a miracle-
|
| Stan:
| …It's okay. We'll just have his character die in the film.
|
| Stan, Kyle:
| Even a miracle____ needs____ a____ hand!! |
A Townsman
Episode 502: It Hits The Fan - Old McDonald
Old McDonald took a shit, E I E I O
Marc Shaiman
Episode 503: Cripple Fight - Too Fat Polka
I don't want her; you can have her. She's too fat for me.
Timmy
Episode 503: Cripple Fight - Old McDonald (Timmy Version)
Tim-mih Tim-mih Tim-mih Timmy, Tim-mih Tim-mih Timmy.
Terrance & Phillip (as kids)
Episode 503: Terrance & Phillip: Behind the Blow - Chicken And Ham
Sung to the tune of "Little Brown Jug"
Beef
and lamb, chicken and ham
Step to the left and clap your hands!
Gosh we love our chicken and ham
Don't let it go
to waste that chicken and ham!
Towelie
Episode 508: Towelie - Funky Town
Won't ya take me down... to Funky Town.
Fleetwood Mac
Episode 509: Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants - Edge of Seventeen
The words have been changed a bit
| Fleetwood Mac:
| Just like the wild winged bird sings a song-
Stand back, she's singin'.
|
| Goat:
| Maaa
|
| Fleetwood Mac:
| Baby
|
| Goat:
| Maaa
|
| Fleetwood Mac:
| Babe
|
| Goat:
| Maa-ha |
Snoop Dogg
Episode 512: Here Comes The Neighborhood - Snippets from his new album
I found a girl who had an innie and I felt
her with my jimmy Player-haters try to do me 'cause my rhymes are just tooo-
I shout "Hell Yeah!" from my vehicle. Livin' is a miracle-
Millionaire Protesters
Episode 512: Here Comes The Neighborhood - We shall Perservere
We shall perservere. We shall perservere.
Token
Episode 512: Here Comes The Neighborhood - If I Can't Be Poor
Why can't I be like all the other kids?
They all
have three-bedroom homes, broken trucks on their lawns.
And cut-up hot dogs for lunch
It's not my fault my parents succeed
so much.
There's no one in town I can relate to
I play with autographed baseball bats
while everyone else just plays with
sticks and pine cones
Has a boy ever felt so alone?
Well, who needs them anyway? I won't pretend to be something I'm not
If I can't be poor, I've got to deal with what
I've got.
If I can't be like them, what I need is more rich kids around,
So I'm not the only one, and then I won't be
so... down.
Please, God, send more rich kids...
To my...
Town
Episode 903: Wing - You'll Never Find
You'll never find...
As long as you live...
Someone who loves you...
Tender
like I do...
You'll never find...
No matter where you search...
Whoa, I'm not braggin' on myself, baby
But I'm the one who loves you
And there's no one else! No-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
one else...
... (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know you're gonna my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss,
you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove.
ARG Truck Driver
Episode 513: Kenny Dies - On The Road Again
...going places that I've never been
Seeing things that I may never
see a-
Cartman and Congress
Episode 513: Kenny Dies - Heat Of The Moment
| Cartman:
| It was the heat of the moment
Telling me what your heart meant
The heat of the moment
shone in your eyes
I never meant to be so bad to you
One thing I said that I would never do
|
| Congressman 1:
| One look from you and I would fall from grace.
|
| Congressman 2:
| And that would wipe the smile right from my face.
|
| Congressman 1, Cartman:
| Do you remember when we used to dance?
|
| A few Congressmen:
| And incidents arose from circumstance?
|
| Everyone:
| One thing led to another; we were young.
And we would scream together songs unsung
It was the heat of the moment
Telling me what your heart meant
The heat of the moment
shone in your eyes |
The Butters Show Choir
Episode 514: Butters' Very Own Episode - Everyone know it's Butters!
(after "Everyone know it's Butters!", one can
say "That's me" as Butters would.)
Who's the boy who can laugh at a storm cloud?
Turn a frown into a smile for free?
Who's the kid with the heart full
of magic?
Everyone know it's Butters!
Who's the boy with the eyes full of wonder?
Thinks being yourself is the best thing to be?
Who's that rascal with
the tweezers in his pocket?
Everyone know it's Butters!
Jumpin' in puddles, skippin' down the hallway
Pettin' at the petting zoo. He loves John Alway.
Who's that tyke with the cutest little dimples,
Battin' his eyes at every puppy he sees?
If you look inside yourself,
you might be surprised when you find
A little boy named Butters!
Butters and the Freaks
Episode 601: Freak Strike - The True Freak Label
Look for the True Freak label when you are watching a TV talk show
Remember
somewhere our union's growing, our wages going to feed the kids, and run the house.
We work hard, but who's complaining?
With TFU we're making our way!
So always look for the True Freak label, because you need us right here in the U.S.A.!
Original - The Union Label
A song by Paula Green, music by Malcolm Dodds ©1975, UNITE
Union of Needltrades,
Industrial and Textile Employees
(formerly International Ladies' Garment Workers'Union and other unions)
Look for the union label when you are buying that coat, dress or blouse.
Remember somewhere our union's sewing, our
wages going to feed the kids, and run the house.
We work hard, but who's complaining? Thanks to the I.L.G. we're paying
our way!
So always look for the union label, it says we're able to make it in the U.S.A.!
Various
Episode 602: Jared Has Aides - Variations on a commercial
(The Clay Henry commercial)
| Mr. Garrison:
| His name is Garrison, Mr. Garrison.
He lost ten pounds takin' Jared's lead-
|
Stan:
Cartman:
Kyle:
Stan:
Cartman:
| His name is Butters, it's Butters.
He used to be fat but not no more
City Wok brought him down to a size
4.
Now he's got lots of moneys and girls
[slowing] and a lifetime of free food at City Wok.
|
| City Wok Owner:
| His name is Jared, he lose some weight.
Shitty Wok food sure sells great. |
Offscreen Singer
Episode 602: Jared Has Aides - Subway dirge
(spoof of "Streets Of Philadelphia," by Bruce Springsteen)
His name is Jared. Jared lost weight eating Subway and ... sandwiches of
Singer for Subway
Episode 602: Jared Has Aides - Still Lookin' Good!
He's still lookin' good!
His name is Jared
His name is Jared
and he likes to eat the sandwiches...
He's still lookin' good, with all those... sub sandwiches...
He's still lookin' good, eatin' them sandwiches all the time...
Tad
Episode 603: Asspen - Stan Darsh
Staaaaan... Daaaaarsh...
Stan. Darsh. Darshy Daaarsh
Stan Daaarsh
Stan Darsh,
Standarsh
Stan Daaaaarsh Daaarsh
Stan Darsh...
The Russell Crowe Show
Episode 604: The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer - Foightin' 'Round The World
Intro
Born in New Zealand in sixty-four
A hot-headed actor named Russell Crowe
He loves to act but he loves one thing more:
Fight-in'
Round The World
He fight his directors and he fights his fans
It's a problem no one understands
If there's two things he love it's
fighting and,
Fight-in' Round The World
Makin' movies, makin' music and
Fight-in' Round The World!
Russell Crowe!
Exit
Tugger's whistle's blowin'
Means we must be goin'
No more Russell Crowein' for you.
But now don't you start to whine
I'll see ya again next time.
'Cause there's plenty a-more a-foightin' left to do.
Makin' movies, makin' songs, an' foightin' round the world.
Free Hat Club Members
Episode 609: Free Hat - Tropical song
| Members:
| In the tropical isle with the coconut tree,
the air is fresh and the people are free.
|
| Man 5:
| But here in the mountain there's no freedom like that.
|
| Skeeter:
| There's a man in prison and his name is Hat. |
Alan Jackson
Episode 612: A Ladder To Heaven - The Ladder To Heaven
Where were you when they built the ladder to heaven?
Did
it make you feel like cryin', or did you think it was kind of gay?
Well I, for one, believe in the ladder to heaven.
Oh
yeah yeah yeah. 9-11
I said 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, Ni-hi, hi-hine___
Eleven.
Where were you when they ran out of stuff to build the ladder to heaven?
Where were you when they saved that ladder to heaven?
Where were you when they decided heaven was a more intangible idea 'n you couldn't, you couldn't really get there?
Frankenstein Alien
Episode 615: The Biggest Douche In the Universe - The Biggest Douche In the Universe
Here he is, the Biggest Douche
of the Universe! In all the galaxies, there's no bigger douche than you!
You've reached the top, the pinnacle of douchedom!
Good going, douche. Your dreams have come true!
Mr. Hankey and Cartman
Episode 617: Red Sleigh Down - Poo Choo Train
| Mr. Hankey:
| Poo Choo Train's layin' down its tracks with a
|
| Whistle:
| Poo Choo!
|
| Mr. Hankey:
| All the way and back!
|
| Cartman:
| Poo Poo Train is my favorite thing, spreading Christmas joy as we ride and sing!
|
| Mr. Hankey:
| Christmastime wouldn't be the same without hugs and kisses and a Poo Choo Train. |
Randy and Skeeter
Episode 701: I'm A Little Bit Country - A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock-n-Roll (Medley)
| Skeeter:
| Well excuse me if...
I'm a little bit country.
|
| Randy:
| Well I'm a little bit rock-n-roll!
|
| Skeeter:
| I'm a little for supportin' our troops.
|
| Randy:
| And I'm a little for bringin' them home.
|
| Skeeter:
| I believe freedom isn't free.
|
| Randy:
| No, but war shouldn't be our goal.
|
| Skeeter:
| We must defend our country.
|
| Randy:
| If it means war, then we say NO!
|
| Skeeter:
| Did you forget them towers in New York?
Did you forget how it made you feel
To see them towers come down?
Were
you like me? Did you think it weren't real?
|
| Randy:
| I like to rock, but I don't wanna rock Iraq!
The only kind of rockin' America should do is the kind that we
can all dance to, yeah!
|
| Skeeter:
| We got GPS, ICBMs, and good old-fashioned lead.
We're gonna show Saddam what America means; that son of a bitch
will be dead.
|
| Randy:
| Why are we fightin' this war?
There's a man in the office we didn't vote for.
They didn't give me a choice.
War
is not my voice! Yeaaaaahhhh! |
Randy, Skeeter, The Town
Episode 701: I'm A Little Bit Country - A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock-n-Roll
| Skeeter:
| Hey I'm a little bit country
|
| Randy:
| And I'm a little bit rock-n-roll-eh
|
| Skeeter:
| I'll be the muscle of America
|
| Randy:
| And me, I'll be the caring soul.
|
| Together:
| When you put us together you get a nation with one goal
To thrive and prosper, with a little country and rock
and roll.
|
| Randy:
| Come on up here, everybody!
|
| Everybody:
| We're a little bit country, and we're a little bit rock-n-roll
|
| Stuart:
| We can be a nation that believe in war,
|
| Mr. Mackey:
| And still tells the world that we don't.
|
| Everybody:
| Let the flag for hyprocisy fly high from every pole
We're a little bit country, and we're a little bit rock-n-roll
|
| Randy:
| Well, goodnight everybody. It sure has been great bringing you a hundred episodes.
|
| Skeeter:
| We want to thank our guests, the pro-war people. And the anti-war people.
|
| Everybody:
| For the war, against, the war, WHO CARES?? One hundred episodes! |
Crips and Bloods
Episode 702: Krazy Kripples - Naaa na naaa, Crips and Bloods
It used to be that Crips and Bloods didn't get along,
But
now we're all a family, so we wrote this song.
Naaa na naaa, Crips and Bloods. Naaa na naaa, hope and love.
Naaa na
naaa, friendly thugs.
The People of South Park
Episode 707: Red Man's Greed - Love is a Battlefield
We are strong
No one can tell us we're wrong
Searching
our hearts for so lohh-oo-ohh-oo-ong
Both of us knowing...
Love Is A Battlefield
Butt Out!
Episode 713: Butt Out! - Butt Out!
| Butt Out!:
| Butt out! Yeah yeah! Kids, that cigarette butt is gross!
Butt out! Uh huh! Smokin's got to go!
[rap]
Butt out! Yeah yeah! It's cool to say no!
Butt out! Uh huh! Smokin's got to go!
|
| Randy:
| [beat box] ... Smoking, no. No smoking.
|
| Kyle:
| Freestyle!
|
| Pam:
| Vernon!
|
| Vernon:
| Don't smoke! Don't ever smoke!
|
| Butt Out!:
| Kyle!
|
| Kyle:
| B to the U to the T to the T to the
O to the U to the T to the C to the
I to the G to the A to the R to
the
E to the T to the T to the E!
Butt out, cigarette!
|
| Butt Out!:
| Randy!
|
| Randy:
| Smoke you know has got to go.
You go, you got to know to say the "no"
To the smoke, you go go ...
You
gotta get it!
|
| Butt Out!:
| Pam!
|
| Pam:
| [screech] Don's smoke.
|
| Butt Out!:
| Woohoo!
Butt out! Yeah yeah! Give that cigarette butt a throw!
Butt out! Uh huh! Smokin's got to go!
|
Big Tobacco Factory Workers
Episode 713: Butt Out! - The Cigarette Song
| Factory workers:
| With a hidey lidey lidey and a hidey lidey lay
We work and we make cigarettes all hidey lidey day
So folks
can get a breaky from their stressful lidey lives
And relaxy with the cigarettes we make all day and night
|
| Young Worker:
| I like to have a cigarehette every now and then
It makes me fee-l calmer when the day is at an end.
|
| Older Worker:
| And if it gives me cancer when I'm eighty I don't care
Who the hell wants to be ninety anyway?
|
| Factory workers:
| So with a hidey lidey lidey and a hidey lidey lay
We work and we make cigarettes all hidey lidey day
So folks
can get a breaky from their stressful lidey lives
And relaxy with the cigarettes we make all day and night |
The Broflovskis
Episode 715: It's Christmas in Canada - Chanukah, Chanukah
Chanukah, Chanukah, sivivon, sov, sov
Sov, sov, sov!
Sov, sov, sov! Ma nayim vi-tov.
The Canadians
Episode 715: It's Christmas in Canada - Welcome to Canada!
| Canadians:
| Welcome, friend, to Canada! Canada Friends loves you!
We're just like any other country without the big tattoo!
|
| Sailor:
| We greet thee with pleasure, but one question, if we may?
|
| Businessman:
| What brings you folks to Canada? Why are you here today?
|
| Kyle:
| Uh. My adopted brother got taken back here to Canada? So, we want to talk to the new Canadian Prime Minister
about getting him back?
|
| Canadians:
| His brother is our quest. The question is, is what?
You must talk to the new Prime Minister if you think his
brother's home's back there |
Episode 715: It's Christmas in Canada - Follow the Only Road
| Priest:
| Follow the only road.
|
| Man:
| Follow the only road.
|
| Canadians:
| To go anywhere in Canada, you just follow the only road.
There's only one road in Canada. We call it the Road,
the only road.
Hip-hip, hooray, let's hear it for our Road.
|
| Road Workers:
| And it's paved and wide and up to code.
|
| Canadians:
| You're off to see the Prime Minister, the Prime Minister of Canada! |
Episode 715: It's Christmas in Canada - Ding Dong, They Caught Saddam!
Ding dong, they caught Saddam! Merry Christmas
to the world!
Ding dong, the Americans caught Saddam!
Now Canada is free for you and you and me
It's the best Christmas
presents we ever got
Canadian Christmas, it's the best! We drink and dance and show our breasts!
Let's celebrate! Saddam
Hussein's been caught!
The French Canadians
Episode 715: It's Christmas in Canada - There'z no Canada like French Canada
| French Canadians:
| There'z no Canada like French Canada, it'z za bezt Canada in ze land.
Ze ozer Canada is hardly Canada. If you
lived here for a day, you'd understand.
There'z no Canada like French Canada, it'z za bezt Canada in ze land.
And ze ozer Canada.
|
| Mime:
| Is a bullshit Canada
|
| French Canadians:
| If you lived here for a day, you'd understand.
|
| Mime:
| I think you'd understand.
...You understand. |
A Rancher
Episode 805: You Got F'd In The A - Honey, Babe, Be Mine
(Cocaine Round)
You'll do a line and I'll do a line, honeeey.
You'll
do a line and I'll do a line, babe.
You'll do a line and I'll do a line, we'll fight an' screw 'til the mornin' time.
Honey,
babe, be mine.
You'll do a line and I'll do a line, honey-
(later)
You'll snort K and I'll snort K, honeeey.
You'll snort K and I'll snort K, babe.
You'll snort K and I'll snort K,
we'll fight an' screw all night and day.
Honey, babe, be mine.
Episode 807: The Jeffersons - Songs by Michael Jefferson
My Wishing Tree
Have you been up my ...Wishing Tree?
It's where I come to think and dream.
And now I'd like
to show you my ...Wishing Tree.
Where we can laugh and giggle and scream.
Imagination is the key. Won't you imagine
along with me?
We can be spacemen, or pirates on the sea
Yes we can do everything, and I mean, everything!
Up
in my Wishing Tree!
Let's Ride the Train
| Mr. Jefferson:
| Would you like to ride the train with me,
and start a magical journey? |
| Cartman:
| Yes I would, Mr. Jefferson.
You're so awesome, Mr. Jefferson. |
Mr. Jefferson:
(Cartman:)
| Let's ride and ride on the train together
(... Train together)
On a journey through both of our minds.
(...
I've got time. Do youuu??) |
I'm Peter Pan
Look at me, I'm Peter Pan. I'm a little boy forever.
Goodnight
Now let's all sleep and dream of fun and adventurous things
It's time for us all to say goodnight
The Power to Change
We all have the power to change if we search inside our hearts
And we start to heal the wounds
of all our yesterdays
And you know it might be hard, but all you've got to do is start,
And you can change all of your
evil molesting ways.
Puff Daddy and his Posse
Episode 808: Douch and Turd - Vote or Die!
| Posse: |
Vote or die, mother_, mother_er, vote or die! |
| Puff Daddy: |
Rock the vote or else I'm gonna stick a knife through your eye. |
| Posse: |
Democracy is founded on one simple rule! |
| Puff Daddy: |
Get out there and vote or I will mother__ kill you.
Yeh.
I like it when you vote, bitch! (bitch!)
Shake
them titties when you vote, bitch! (bitch!)
I slam my jimmy through your mouth roof (mouth roof)
Now get your big ass
in the pollin' booth.
I said vote, bitch, or I'll f_____ kill you! |
| Posse: |
Vote or die, mother_, mother_, vote or die! |
| Puff Daddy: |
You can't run from a .38, go ahead and try! |
| Posse: |
Let your opinion be heard! You gotta make a choice! |
| Puff Daddy: |
'Cause after I slit your throat you won't have a f____ voice
Vote or die! Vote or die! |
Woodland Critters
Episode 814: Woodland Critter Christmas - Woodland Critter Christmas
It's almost time when the time is here,
The
time that's only once a year.
We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near.
A Woodland Critter Christmas!
What special time and special day,
It's Woodland Critter Christmas!
A Hippie Singer
Episode 902: Die Hippie, Die -
What's goin' on in this world o'mine?
There's a whole lot of killin' in this world
o'mine.
Somebody's gotta help this world o'mine...
Stan
Episode 902: Die Hippie, Die -
Sign, sign everywhere. Sign
Done something to my mind.
Wing
Episode 903: Wing - Sing A Song (she also sings Abba's "Dancing Queen" and "Fernando")
Sing, sing a song, make it
simple, to last your whole life long.
Don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear.
Just sing,
Sing
a song.
Sing, sing a song, make it simple, to last your whole life long.
Don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else
to hear.
Just sing,
Sing a song.
